Friends Who Only Contact You When It Suits Them: 6 Reasons

Friends are caring, supporting, and loving fellows, ones who are there for you during good and stormy times.

We all are familiar these simple but effective identifying marks a good friend. But still, every once in a while, you might still find yourself struggling to tell whether some of your “friends” are really friends.

Oftentimes, these questionable friends are the type who tend to contact you only when it suit them.

Except from the fact that it’s annoying that you only receive their calls and texts when they need a help of some kind or need to get some pressing information or simply when they feel like calling, it’s also worrying.

Worrying in the sense that as this their odd behavior goes on time and again, it begins to dawn on you that your friendship isn’t just right with these folks.

And then you begin to fear that they may not be there for you when you need them the most – During stormy times.

One thing you know for sure is: Friends don’t contact each other when it suits them.

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So why do these guys do the exact opposite?

In this article, we will discuss all you need to know about this common behavior and how you can deal with it.

Why Would a Friend Only Contact You When It Suits Them?

There are a couple of reasons why a friend might contact you when it suits them. Some of these factors might be deliberate while some are unintentional.

Here are some common reasons for this behavior:

1. They prioritize convenience over commitment

One of the common reasons why friends may contact each other when it suits them is that they put a higher priority on their convenience than their friendship.

This is a common bad trait among friends today, one which causes a lot of problems and misunderstandings among them.

Friends are meant to support each other, and the only way they can fully achieve that is by leaving their comfort zone to help themselves.

However, if a friend chooses his own convenience over that of his friends, he’ll tend to check up on them only when he has achieved that convince.

2. They see the friendship as transactional

Transactional relationships are ones in which those involved only maintain the friendship for the purpose of giving and taking.

Friendships can become transactional at times. This often happen when the friends don’t fulfill both sides of the friendship requirements – Being there for each other during the good and the bad times.

If your friend views the friendship as transactional, he will contact you less or not do so at all when things are okay.

However, when there’s a need to get in touch with you, he’ll reappear out of the blues. Such a friendship isn’t a healthy one.

3. They may be unaware of certain friendship habits

Not everyone are excellent in their social habits.

Some individuals, mostly introverted ones, tend to be unaware of many simple habits in friendships including the communication habits friends should typically maintain.

Their lack of awareness can slowly creep into their relationship with others, and affect it negatively.

If a friend doesn’t contact you often, there’s a possibility they’re doing that out of a lack of knowledge of how often friends should communicate with each other.

This is something you should consider when examining the cause of your friend’s actions.

4. They lead busy lifestyle

We are all familiar with our daily activities can encroach into the time we spend doing more important things.

Not every friend who contact you selectively does so on purpose. They might be genuinely busy and as such, can’t make out sufficient time for contacting their friends.

As a result of their lack of time, they only reach out to you when they have any little time to spare for doing so.

Why Might a Friend Intentionally Chooses to Contact You When It Suits Them?

Not all cases of friends contacting each other sparingly are caused by circumstances beyond his reach. Some friends may actually choose to contact you on purpose.

If your friend intentionally neglects to contact you, it could be as a result of any of these reasons:

1. You are not a priority in their life

Generally, friends take a special position in people’s lives. Sadly though, not everyone puts their friends at a tip priority in their lives.

Your friend might be the type who doesn’t prioritize their friends or friendship in their life.

Other activities such as recreation and other less important activities can overshadow their friendship and thus, they’ll tend to reach out to you only when it suits them

2. They’re avoiding a deeper friendship

At times, a friend might for one reason or the other, choose not to give chance for the friendship to grow stronger.

For reasons known to them, they might prefer to keep the level of friendship between you both just the way it is and not allow it develop any farther.

For this reason, they may resort to contacting and spending time with you fewer than normal. In this case, they prevent any deeper bonds from forming.

Should You Be Worried When a Friend Only Contact You When It Suits Them?

If a friend only contact you when it suits them, it is both normal and okay to be worried.

Friends are meant to be caring and supportive to each other. That can only be achieved through regular checking up on each other.

Before drawing any strong conclusion or making decisions regarding your friendship, do well to consider the nature of your friendship and how close you are to each other.

Also consider the kind of person your friend is, taking special note of whether they’re the talking type or one who’s reserved.

If your friendship is relatively new, for example, and your friend isn’t the type who associates with others a lot, you might not need to worry much if they don’t contact you as frequently as you want.

Thus, a close examination of your friendship and your friend’s personality can reveal several facts which will help you determine whether to be worried or not of their stunted communication habit.

What to Do with Friends Who Only Contact You When It Suits Them?

If I asked you this question at the start of this article, I’m pretty sure you must have thought something along the lines of: “Break the friendship.”

I believe you must have observed so far that they’re several reasons why a friend might choose to or seem to contact you when it suits them, many of which are not intentional.

On purpose or not, making contact with your friend a few days in a month is not so healthy for the relationship.

You know you should do something about it. But what?

Here are some things you could do to help things a little:

1. Speak with your friend

The first and foremost step you should take to address this issue is to have a discussion with your friend.

Try to find out the reason why he’s behaving this way and help him understand that you don’t like his attitude towards communication.

Try to maintain patience as you do so. Different people respond differently and so, it might take him quite some time to begin making visible changes.

If need be, speak with him multiple times to emphasize your point.

2. Interact more with others

Another action you can take is to interact more with other friends and acquaintances.

You’re not doing this to get him jealous. You’re taking this action to help you enjoy more meaningful friendships and also help you understand people’s character more.

Try to hang out, and even make friends with extroverted as well as introverted ones.

It’ll help you get more exposure which can in turn help you understand people’s characters more and efficiently assess your friendships.

3. Contact your friend more regularly

Most times, the simple but effective solution to such type of communication problems is to take the initiative yourself to make contact.

Try to increase the frequency of your calls and texts and make your conversations more interesting.

Also meet him in-person and engage in friendly activities more regularly. In short, strengthen the bond between you both as much as possible.

This can move him to contact you more in return, thus solving the problem.

4. End the friendship if need be

If you sense the friendship is heading down a wrong path and your friend isn’t willing to make any necessary change, you might want to consider putting an end to the friendship.

Take time to analyze the situation properly before making such decision so as to avoid regrets in the future.

Though saddening at first, ending the friendship will help alleviate your worries and give you the opportunity to form and enjoy friendships with others.


Friends who only contact you when it suits them may pose challenges, a lot. You may at times feel there’s little you can do to help them out of their character.

However, when you take the initiative to understand the underlying reasons, evaluate the relationship, and take proactive steps, you will contribute to nurturing a healthier relationship.

No matter what you do, ensure you foster relationships built on mutual respect and genuine care as this is key to sustaining meaningful and fulfilling friendships.

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